My last dance.

"There is no banquet that never ends", so goes a chinese saying. I guess that apply to everything in this world. Nothing last forever. The only constant in life is change. There is nothing you can do about it except to be strong enough to accept things or have the will and discipline to make decision that maintain the balance required in life. Well, i think i have failed in this department terribly. This one year break have revealed many things to me. I don't not know whether i have achieved anything, but one thing i know is that several unforeseen circumstance occured and threw my life into a spiral. Its like what you see in certain movie, where the lead freezes and spins towards the centre of a spining, b/w hypnotic spiral, disappearing into the heart of the spiral. I have lost my focus and my direction. I have tons of questions but no answers. During my sleepless nights, i have always looked at my room door and felt fear. The questions are lining up against the door. Packed to brim. All hungry for their answer, which will release them from their self-imposed jail. Its their only ticket to salvation, paradise, heaven... Answer? I have none. I choose to stay in my room, in my seat, shivering. I don't know. I DON'T KNOW.

I seek solace in music and films. They bring me away to a faraway place for 1 or 2 hours. In that place, i am free. Free to learn, to see, to hear, to think, to feel, to love, to cry... I have met people there whom have the answers or helped me realise the answers to my questions. The possiblilities. The cruelties. The comedies. The dramas. The sorrows.

Totally drained. I have lost a large part of myself. My past, future and present. I have reached the end. The end which is the beginning and the beginning which is the end.

It is time for my last dance.


Keane - Bedshaped

Many's the time I ran with you down
The rainy roads of our old town
Many the lives we lived in each day
And buried altogether
Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll fallow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped and legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!

I know you think I'm holding you down
And I've fallen by the wayside now
And I don't understand the same things as you
But I do

Don't laugh at me
Don't look away

You'll fallow me back
With the sun in your eyes
And on your own
Bedshaped and legs of stone
You'll knock on my door
And up we'll go
In white light
I don't think so
But what do I know?
What do I know?
I know!