Meet you in the place where there is no darkness
"Only you can help yourself"
Well, since that is true, that is all you can do then. Temporary relieve? Yes, of course. But it is a double edge sword. A spoil sport for others and further suffering for yourself. Whatever you do does affect others in a certain way. Cause and effect. That goes for doing nothing also. When you choose to do nothing, don't think that nothing is happening. Inaction is an action, while action can be inaction. Just like "Freedom is Slavery", "Ignorance is Strength" and "War is Peace". This might not be the truth but there is certain truth to it and its up to you to choose. And i have chosen to do nothing.
Subconciously, i like to dig a hole. I have been digging one my whole life, except for the 4 years break i had taken. Its a deep one. Whatever i have done so far all leads to the deepening of the hole. Unfortunely, i have a few episode where the ground gave way, dropping me deeper like falling into a bottomless pit. The white light at the opening becomes smaller and further away from my reach. Fight or Flight reponse is a human nature. I fought, or i think i did. Self-denial is a excellent pyschological response. It gives you a new reality and give you courage to do things. The white light looks bigger, but it is not. I've dug the soil beneath me to fill the hole that im in. Im happy that the white light is getting bigger.
A poem i wrote on my japanese blog translated into english:
Yu disappeared like yesterday, like the snow on the lake
Mi alone, drifted along the street
Koundn't grab anything with these hands of mine
Oll the stars i have yet to touch
Kan't return to reality yet
Wat will happen in the future, i don't know
Sadly, would you be there when im back
You better take care of yourself
U have a beautiful life ahead, i wish for you
Naw what to do
Rather, we will only know in our afterlife