Another 2 months.

Its been another 2 months since i came to Japan. These 2 months have been quite turbulent for me. I realised that i have alot decisions to make. These decision concerns my future and the stakes are quite high. I would call it life changing decision. Is it really life changing? I still ask myself that now. Being a indecisive bastard doesn't help much. Thus, i have been pretty much screwing up my life here and in general. I didn't make much decision in the end. If you don't decide on life, life will make the decision for you and most of the time you won't like it. That's what im going through now. Taking whatever decision life have made for me and is whining and bitching like a spoilt child, which pisses everyone off. Time is not on my side. I have many things i want to do here but that means i will have to extend my stay here. I'm not sure whether i can deal with the changes back in Singapore. One such recent change have send me spiralling downwards. Loss. That's what i can't deal with i think. Although being here i am experiencing new things, i can't stop pondering where is this leading me. Is it worth risking losing what i have in Singapore? Am i rooted in Singapore? Am i thinking about all these because i'm getting old? I no longer wants to get out of Singapore? Who am i? What do i want? What do i need? What should i do? Is this the end? Sentimental. Maybe as i grew older i become more sentimental. Whatever i yearn to do since i return from US are no longer practical to me now. I have wasted my time away again. I have been living as if im still 24 for the longest time. I am 28 now. It's really catching up on me. I suddenly realised that i am at the age where people look for a partner for marriage. I realised that i most probably won't be able to handle a heartbreak. The risk of loving someone so much that you want to stay with her forever and only to realise that 3 years down the road your predictability and monotonous lifestyle have bored her and she no longer want you anymore. The thought of losing someone precious is just too unbearable. Same with the thought of missing the best thing to happen in your life. It will be lost forever. You can only hope that someday the next best thing will come along. I don't think im that optimistic. Some things just happen once and if you miss it, it will be lost forever. I think i have missed many of those things. I still have not learned from my lesson. I still can't identify them. And always at the critical moment, i let them slip away. Only to regret later and behave like a spoilt bastard. I at loss with what i can do with myself. Most of the time i run. I have been running. I hope i will stop running soon. I have still yet to make any decision.


Friends celebrating my birthday with me. It's really nice of them. We had a simple dinner and went to Karaoke. They even bought me a birthday cake.















In November, I went for L'arc en ciel's and U2's concert. Both are amazing. Especially U2's, they kicked off their gig with Arcade Fire's "Wake up" and got everyone excited. I went crazy. They did "Sunday Bloody Sunday", which i thought i can never hear live, on the pretext of promoting awareness of the situation in the middle east and Israel. The Co-existence of Jews, Christians and Muslims.




For those who misses me, this is the only really really really really really really really really really really really really really really good photo of me. Treasure it.